A coupling of one believer and one non-believer can pose some serious issues. Many religions, or factions of certain religions, teach that people of faith should not marry someone who does not believe in God. Some people see this as people of faith thinking they are better than others are. In fact, I see it as a cautionary statement, warning of potential problems.
While the two may get along in many or even most areas, there is going to be some disagreement. You may have been involved in volatile discussions concerning religion with someone who doesn’t believe, or you may have witnessed such an exchange. This can also occur within a marriage. The religious spouse will want to share the faith with the person he or she loves. The other person may not only be uninterested but may also become offended.
There are various reasons why people don’t want any part of religion, two of which are because they don’t want to be made to feel guilty and they don’t want to be expected to change. If the religious spouse becomes that mate’s conscience, pointing out flaws or preaching to that person, it is going to cause turmoil in the marriage. The spouse who isn’t religious may grow to resent his or her mate.
It may be especially problematic when or if the couple has children. A person of faith is going to want his or her children to know God. The other spouse may be unwilling to raise the children in faith, and the couple will find themselves at odds. It will also create more tension for the children, and they may even feel like they have to pick sides.
Is it possible for a person of faith and a non-religious person to have a successful marriage? It may be, but it doesn’t seem possible for the matter to have no effect on the relationship. It is best for couples to discuss religion –and every other issue of importance- before considering marriage.
If you find that the person you love is adamant in his or her opposition to faith, the two of you may need to engage in pre-marital counseling to sort through such issues, to decide if you can compromise on something so important, and to determine if this is really something that you can live with. The person who does not choose faith must also decide what is best for him or her. Do you want to be married to someone who views the world so differently? Will you be able to respect your mate’s beliefs and allow him or her to express and practice them without resentment? How will you feel when your spouse wants to teach your children about his or her beliefs?
Each party may need to ask him or herself tough questions about the future, and their honest answers may cause them to change their minds about making a life with someone who doesn’t share their views or beliefs. Despite the fact that they love each other, they may find that this is an issue that isn’t open to compromise. It’s better to figure it out before marriage than it is to end up unhappy or divorced.
Other articles that may be of interest:
How Long Should You Wait to Be Engaged?
Relationship Tips: They Are So Not Worth It