One thing that can happen in single parent families is that we can sometimes treat our kids more like peers and partners than children. With only one adult in the house, and children who might be expected to help out more than if there were two adults running the show, boundaries can get cloudy and kids can actually end up behaving and acting like adults. As parents, we have to make sure that we maintain those boundaries and keep our authority as the adult.
It is completely natural that the dynamic in a single parent home will likely be different than it was when there were two parents (if there were ever two parents, some families are single parent homes from the start), and as that sole parent we do get to decide what sort of a family structure we’ll have. BUT, it is still important to maintain boundaries and limits around who is the parent, the adult, the decision-maker—and who is the child.
This means that single parents need to be careful to get their adult needs met elsewhere—through family, friends, coworkers, support groups, etc. Adult friends should become part of our support system so we won’t be tempted to turn to our children in moments of weakness and insecurity. Young children shouldn’t be expected to be friends or provide moral support for parents. This does not mean that children will not pick up on some of the stressors and realities of living in a single parent home, but they do need to be able to depend on mom or dad to be the parent and the adult. This provides stability and safety—and this is especially important during and after times of transition and crisis.
Just remember to keep in mind that kids should be kids and parents need to remain the adults—regardless of what else is going on in the family.
See Also: Wrestling With Fears in Single Parenting and Single Parents Aren’t Perfect–At Least I’m Not