A few days ago, I asked Tom what he thought I should write about for my next post, and he mentioned the MAPP classes. I almost immediately dismissed that idea.
The MAPP class, or Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting, if you’re unaware of what that is, is the second step in the quest to become a foster or adoptive parent. At least in the state of Florida it is. First there is an orientation, then MAPP. To me, it was just a class. I didn’t think there was much to write about.
However, he seems pretty determined that I write about MAPP. And when we discussed it further I was surprised to discover that he had a whole lot to say about the classes!
To be honest, my recollection of the class is pretty vague. I mean, I remember the material taught. I remember covering the importance of the life book, dealing with children who have been sexually abused, and the resources available to foster and adoptive parents. I remember going into the class unsure as to whether we wanted to foster or adopt, and I remember all of the reasons why we came to the decision that fostering isn’t for us, and we chose to go straight to adoption. But, my memories of the class itself, my feelings going into it, my attitude coming out, changes along the way, and lessons learned… it’s all pretty vague.
Well, except for the part where Tom very enthusiastically played the part of a cow during one of the activities, earning the respect and admiration of our fellow classmates, as well as the instructors, for the confident, fun, and playful act he put on for all of our amusement… And the part where I hid my face in my hands… thinking “no, I’m not here with him”… yeah, I remember that very well.
He said he figured everyone would get more into their roles.
A while later Tom discovered that one of his co-workers was actually dating one of our instructors and she remembered Tom from the class. She remembered him as the cow!
It’s always interesting to me how two people can go through the exact same thing and, in the end, have such different perspectives on the experience.
I went into the class thinking that we would learn about troubled kids, about the requirements of being a foster and/or adoptive parent, about how the system works. And, guess what? We learned those things! That’s all I expected, it’s all I feel I needed, and it’s exactly what I got. No more, no less.
Tom, on the other hand, went in there with almost no idea what the classes would be about. Maybe it was because I am the one who did the research and signed us up for the classes, so I already had an idea, and he didn’t? That could be. But, if you talk to him now, he will go on and on about how much he learned, about the things he was not expecting, about how his feelings and thoughts changed throughout the class. I really feel like he came out of that class with a completely different perspective at the end, and I… well… didn’t.
Tom and I had talked about this so much prior to taking the class. We discussed what we wanted and what we didn’t; we came to decisions and compromises. In talking with him now, he says that when we started the class he thought we were on the same page, but when we came out he realized that I had been far ahead of him and he just didn’t realize it. He says it made him realize the importance of communication, and that we can never talk enough about this. That there will always be something we can consider, or reconsider.
I think that’s a good lesson. And I think I might have gotten more out of discussing his memories of the MAPP class than I did from the class itself!