As a parent it is easy to focus on the negative behaviors that our children exhibit, making sure that proper consequences are enforced when rules are broken. It is harder to recognize and appreciate the positive behaviors that our children show. As parents we even less often reward good behavior.
As a teacher I was taught that for every negative comment you should make at least two positive comments. So the number of positives to negatives is two to one. As a parent I find myself focusing on the behavior that I don’t want my children to be doing more than the good things that they are doing. Here are some ideas on how to focus more on the good things your kids are doing.
Recognize the Good
Let your child know that you recognize when they follow the house rules for example: they tell you where they are going, come home on time, or don’t argue with a sibling.
When your child helps out around the house, whether it is required or not, thank them. If they made their bed that morning, cleaned their room, helped with the dishes, set the table, or anything else express your appreciation for their help. Everyone likes gratitude and to be recognized for their work.
Use A Reward System
Set up a reward system for the small things. Children, just as adults, respond well to rewards. The reward system doesn’t have to be elaborate. Diana Register, a parenting blogger, in her blog Rewards for Kids has a couple of good ideas. The important thing is too choose a reward system that both parent and child can agree on then stick to it.
Big Rewards
Sometimes children respond better to a big reward. Even though more work is required to earn the reward it is worth it to the child. If there is something in particular that your child is working on such as potty training, getting a certain grade, playing an instrument, keeping their room clean, or working towards some other goal you might set up milestones, at each milestone your child could earn a small reward, and once the goal is achieved the big reward.
Everything in life isn’t rewarded and sometimes your child needs to understand that, but everyone needs to be rewarded and recognized sometimes. As adults when our spouse says thank you, brings flowers, or makes a special dessert, or our boss tells us what a great job we did, it makes us want to work harder. Rewards work the same way with children, it makes them want to work harder to be a great kid. In the long run positives work a lot better than negatives in changing a child’s behavior.