I think we live in a time where just about everything can be considered a “problem”—when it comes to our children’s behaviors, it is hard enough to know what is typical, what they will outgrow, and what we should worry about. Before you panic and assume that things are abnormal, it might be a better idea to assume things are normal—until proven otherwise.
Of course, my usual disclaimer is that I am NOT a psychologist or an official parenting expert and most of my philosophies are based on anecdotal experience, but I have found that most things really are normal (no matter how kooky some of our kid’s behaviors can be). Instead of automatically assuming that everything is going to be something huge or a problem, if we start from a calmer place, I think we parents stay better able to cope.
Now, if your child is being harmful to animals, or exhibiting signs of depression or anti-social behavior, it is definitely important to seek professional help—but many other behaviors that seem weird might actually be in the range of what is considered normal. It took me a while to get used to that! When my children were young, I realized that I really hadn’t ever known anyone as intimately as I knew my kids. I tended to interact with peers and adults who were on their best behavior—not children who could care less what was expected. Even now, my kids definitely let their hair down and work out some kooky behaviors in the safety of their home which would NOT be considered normal if they did them at school or on a street corner.
Give things time and trust your instincts, but overall I think we can assume that our children are relatively normal unless we have reason to think otherwise. Instead of assuming everything is a “problem”—if we take some kooky things in stride, those behaviors might disappear sooner than if we let ourselves get all riled up. Again, we do need to watch out for serious safety issues and signs of depression and mental illness, but often our kids are just being kids.
Also: Is Your Family Normal?
The Myth of “Normal Life”–Finding Peace