Let’s face it—people make assumptions all the time—they make assumptions about other people, situations, institutions, the weather—you name it. As a single parent, we are often on the receiving end of other people’s assumptions and we can either ignore them, or find a way to respond and counter those assumptions with a reasonable dose of reality. How we respond and whether we respond at all will depend on our own personalities and what the circumstance requires…
While I definitely do not think that stereotyping and making assumptions is limited to single parents, we do have a tendency to get our fair share. In my “career” as a single parent I have been at the receiving end of people assuming that I get child or spousal support, must have been “left” for a younger woman, and that I am on public assistance. None of these things is true, nor has ever been true and it is always a little shocking to hear someone make such a blanket assumption.
When this happens, we have the choice of whether to say anything at all or whether to respond. We can get defensive (which seldom goes well in my experience), or use situation as an opportunity to educate the other person (sometimes we can pull this off and sometimes it also comes off as defensive.) Usually, I just correct the assumption or make it very clear that my personal business is my own and not available for public speculation and consumption. If the assumption has come from someone close enough to me that I know them well, I may have a more detailed and in depth conversation. I admit that I do see myself as needing to advocate for single parents and single parent families and dispel some of those assumptive myths that are still being perpetuated out there—so if I get a chance to correct someone with some class, I will.
Also: Not Sure What to Say? Practice…
Think of Yourself as a Pioneer