It seems pretty likely that if you have kids you will experience, at least once, the Bad Report Card. And it is equally likely that you may be caught completely off guard by the Bad Report Card because who likes to share bad news? Your child, unless completely frustrated in school, is unlikely to come home bragging about his failed Geometry grades, right? So what do you do? How do you react?
- Consider your goal. your reaction is likely to encourage a response. Consider, carefully, your goal for your child. Do you wish to have an honest child? A successful by any means necessary child? An over-achiever? A child who tries his best 100% of the time? How you react may predict how your child views herself, her ability and her future report cards.
- Reevaluate your expectations. Did your child receive a C in Math? Perhaps your child is a C student and is fulfilling his personal best! Parents often truly believe each of their children is gifted and capable of receiving all A’s, all of the time. However, while all children may have natural gifts, not all children’s gifts will be academic in nature. Consider your child’s natural strengths and weaknesses and not just your desired strengths and weaknesses before forming expectations.
- Don’t respond right away. Give yourself at least 24 hours to contemplate your response. It should be well though out and without any emotional baggage that so often accompanies our first reactions to bad news on the parenting front.
- Discuss, Don’t Lecture! Your child will tune out your lectures, for sure. But you need to get to the bottom of the faltering grades. Is your child having difficulty with a subject? Does your child find a particular teacher or teaching method frustrating? Is your child not motivated in a particular area and simply not trying his best? Is there a distractibility problem?
- Meet with the teacher. This can happen by phone, email or in person. Discuss what the teacher views as the problem and compare this with what your child views as the problem. Perhaps everyone is on the same page. If not, consider bringing your child, her teacher and yourself together for a meeting of the minds. It might help smooth the way toward better grades.
- Consider natural or logical consequences. Parents are frequently tempted to remove from a child’s life that which is most important to him in order to motivate him to do better in school. This makes little sense and is not reflected in the adult world at all. In the adult world, if we do not do well, we do not get raises and we might even lose our jobs. If your child is particularly upset about his bad grades, perhaps the natural consequence has already occurred and your job is done. If your child is impervious to the natural consequences, at least try to find a consequence that fits the crime. If your child is being lazy and not doing homework, restructure her day so that she comes home immediately after school in order to do homework first and give you a chance to look it over, for instance. Remember a consequence does not have to leave a child devastated in order to teach a lesson!
- Start Anew. Do not hold a grudge or carry your disappointment into the future. Children often become what we treat them like and if we treat them with disappointment and failure, they are more likely to become disappointing failures! Instead share with your child their positive personality traits that you know will carry them well into the future. If your child is not a good writer, for instance, you can praise his ability to creatively problem solve and encourage him to use these skills to tackle his failing grade. Believe in your child, no matter how disappointed you may feel, and she is much more likely to succeed.