Adoptive parents are a diverse group. On average they are slightly higher income than the general population and have a slightly higher average educational level than the general populace. They come from all religious persuasions and from none. For those adoptive parents who practice a religion, that religion can be a bonding force for their new family. Families who do not practice a religion may nonetheless seek a special ritual or celebration to mark the arrival of a child and various milestones in the adoption process and in the family’s life.
Some families have entrustment ceremonies when birthparents place an infant with adoptive parents. These often involve blessings and wishes for the child spoken by both sets of parents, and sometimes by other relatives, and often a blessing from a chaplain or clergyperson. Some families celebrate their “Gotcha Day”, the day the child is placed with them or the new family returns home.
Two books are available to help families of any or no religion to find meaningful ways to acknowledge emotions: for birthparents to say goodbye, to grieve, and to send blessings and positive messages with their child, and for adoptive parents to welcome the child, celebrate placement and finalization, and help in integrating the child into the extended family and community.
Designing Rituals of Adoption for the Religious and Secular Community, by Mary Martin Mason, contains Jewish, Christian and secular traditions for entrustment ceremonies, welcoming ceremonies, baptisms, naming ceremonies, adoption finalization and adoption anniversaries. Mason suggests readings, prayers, music and symbolic actions for these occasions. The book is designed to be appropriate for infants and older children and for various types of adoptions. Some of the texts for Christian ceremonies are presented in both English and Spanish.
Creating Ceremonies: Innovative Ways to Meet Adoption Challenges, by Cheryl Lieberman, PhD., and Rhea K. Bufferd, LCSW, is written by an adoptive parent and an adoption social worker. It has ceremonies for pre-adoption, for children moving in, for children having nightmares or school issues, a ceremony about coming to “a safe place”, and more. Some parents whose children were born to them have commented that this book is still a great resource for their family and has helped them through “stuck places” in family relationships and in situations such as a move or a new school.
Ed has blogged about the four days that his five boys arrived:
Gotcha Day 1 (Caleb-age 4 weeks)
Gotcha Day 2 (Tommy (age 2/12)
Gotcha Day 3 (Walter (age 4) and Jacob (18 m)
Gotcha Day 4 (Isaiah-infant)
Please see this related blog: