The Relief Society and Elder’s Quorum lesson for the fourth Sunday of the month comes from the most recent General Conference issue of the Ensign. Each ward and branch, of course, will be different. On top of that, Miriam generally handles the summaries of the General Conference address. I, of course, don’t want to step on her toes and attempt to resummarize. Instead, I will be seeking out specific doctrinal issues that pertain to the talks and researching them in the scriptures. Although you may not be specifically studying that talk at this time, I hope that the thoughts and issues addressed will help you in your spiritual walk. And, after all, in a worldwide church, I’m sure that one Sunday I’ll hit the same talk as one of my readers!
In January, our Relief Society is studying Elder Bednar’s Sunday afternoon talk, “And Nothing Shall Offend Them.” The moment I saw the title of this talk, I knew it was for me. I am, I’m afraid, far too easily offended. Although Elder Bednar directs his comments towards those who might go inactive from offenses – a challenge I do not struggle with, thankfully – my offenses are more personal. They tend to relate to the people closest to me, my family. Comments or reactions that others don’t seem to notice wound me, sometimes deeply. Granted, there are times when my husband agrees that my reactions are justified, but there are many other times when he tells me I am being too sensitive. Ironically, he has told me for years that I have to choose not to be offended. Of course, I never listened to him, but since Elder Bednar said it…I should probably repent and apologize to my husband.
There seem to be two instances when we choose to be offended: either a person acts with malice or thoughtlessly, and causes pain to the recipient, or a person reprimands us (sometimes kindly, sometimes not) and we take offense. I’d like to focus today on the malicious or thoughtless types of offenses. These might be as simple or trivial as a thoughtless or rude comment, or as tragic as the violent death of a loved one. To both, the Savior has one command: forgive.
The Savior has commanded us to forgive seventy times seven. If we do not, we “stand condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in (us) the greater sin” (D&C 64:9). No matter what sin was committed against us, no matter what action was taken that hurt or wounded us, if we do not forgive, our sin is greater. President Kimball very clearly states in Chapter 19 of The Miracle of Forgiveness that this includes travesties such as the murder or defilement of a loved one. Imagine that. If murder is one of the most horrible of sins, and we do not forgive the murderer, where does that place us spiritually?
President Kimball highlights several stories of people who were able to forgive great tragedies in their lives. (I recommend you read the chapter just to get an idea of what he says, for he is far more eloquent than I am!) If they are able to forgive such vile actions, can we do any less than forgive hurtful words, even if made in malice?
Speaking of forgiveness, what of the Savior? In His final hours, He endured taunting and torture of all kinds. Only hours before, He had taken on the sins of the people who beat and bound Him, the soldiers who taunted and tormented Him, the crowd that jeered and mocked Him. His response? To ask the Father to forgive them. Surely He held no malice. Can we do any less?
As we strive to become less easily offended, we must cultivate a spirit of forgiveness in our hearts. If we can immediately forgive those who torment us, if we can strive to overlook thoughtlessness when it happens, then we can grow closer to the Savior. We can keep the Holy Spirit as our constant companion.
As I have struggled with this, I have found prayer to be an effective tool – when I remember to implement it. When I feel offended, I ask the Lord to help me forgive and to not grow angry. I will now have to ask Him to help me not be so easily offended! I also add a request for patience and forgiveness to my morning and evening prayers, that the Holy Spirit might help me overlook things that would ordinarily upset me. If you find yourself easily offended, or even if it is a one-time occurrence, ask the Lord to help you. You cannot change the other person; you can only change yourself. Similarly, the Lord cannot force someone to change; they must desire to improve themselves. If you can pray with the spirit of charity rather than the spirit of malice (“Please help them know the Savior loves them and I love them” rather than “Please let a piano fall on their head and knock some sense into their stubborn minds”), then pray for them. You can even seek ways to serve them, so that your feelings of love for them will overshadow any resentment you may struggle with. But if you do nothing else, try to stop resentments before they are ever planted in your heart. Brush away those seeds and react to all hurts with kindness and love. Our Father in Heaven will exact justice for real sins in due time; of us, it is required to forgive all men.
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