Since I decided my focus for 2008 would be resolving to make the best of marriage, I have to start somewhere. Setting rules seems like a logical place.
Perhaps the most important, fundamental rule is realizing perfection is a myth.
Nobody, and No Marriage, Is Perfect
I don’t believe in such a thing as the perfect marriage. Everyone has flaws, therefore every marriage will have flaws.
That’s not to say you can’t enjoy an incredible marriage though. That’s always something you can strive for. As long as you do the following:
(a) Accept It, Flaws are Inevitable
If you accept the flaws up front, do it wholeheartedly. Do not expect these things to disappear –-either over time or because you try to erase or change them.
Embrace that when it comes to your partner what you see is what you get –-flaws and all. Because it’s the imperfections that make or break a relationship in the long run. You either learn to accept and live with them, or they’ll ultimately drive you nuts –-and potentially apart.
(b) Know Your Own Flaws
In general, most people, including Wayne, will tell you I’m one of the sweetest, gentlest, nicest people they’ve ever met. But I’m no peach all the time. Here’s my flaws:
• I’m a seether. You know the type: I don’t express my anger right away. I let it simmer until it reaches the boiling point and then I blow all at once. I’m working on remembering to let it out well before I get to this point, but…I’m a work-in-progress.
• I’ve admitted this one before: sometimes I let my inner green-eyed monster loose.
• I don’t always fight fair.
• I can be lazy.
• I’m as stubborn as they come.
(c) Own Up to Your Flaws
Why did I bother illustrating my flaws? Because if I want to strive to have the best marriage possible (notice how I didn’t say “perfect” marriage?), I can’t focus on Wayne’s flaws. I only have the power to change mine.
That’s why when it comes to perfection, realize it just doesn’t exist. But it’s similarly important to realize that perfection isn’t a prerequisite for a happy marriage.