By nature, I have never been someone who was particularly fond of rules. This presented a bit of a challenge for me when I became a parent. While I certainly am not the freewheeling, hip parent I imagined (or promised, rather) I would be when I was 15 or 16—I still am not someone who needs and insists on a lot of hard and fast rules. Just using the word hasn’t come easily. Instead, I have tended to be a parent who leaned toward “guidelines”…
Many families are not only comfortable with “House Rules,” but they are also downright good at it. I think parents who are good with rules and feel good about living within them do a pretty good job of establishing house rules for their own families. I was always one of those rebellious, independent sorts who didn’t like having anyone tell me what to do. Luck would have it, of course, that I would give birth to three strong-willed individuals who didn’t want anyone to tell them what to do either. So, we developed accommodations and compromises. We still have a few, definite, engraved in stone house rules—but mostly we have guidelines by which to live.
I am comfortable with guidelines and they seem to work well with teenagers. Like I said, there are the definite RULES—but these are few and strong and obvious. The rest comes down to suggestions for reasonable and respectable living. One of the great things about guidelines is that everyone can have a say in creating and maintaining them. Discussing reasonable guidelines at a family meeting or when a situation arises seems to work out well, at least in my family. Whereas handing down reactionary rules can cause the rebellion and balking with my stubborn brood. Of course, every family is different and we just happen to be one who responds better to guidelines than to rules.
See Also: Attachment Parenting–House Rules
Should You Discipline Other People’s Children?