Are you sapping your spouse’s self-confidence and creating problems in your marriage?
Recently I experienced an example of how negativity and negative comments can affect performance. It was on the tennis court. I was not playing with Mick since he’s not back to tennis yet since his health problems and would never have behaved like this anyway. The person I partnered in one set was so negative that an air of tension pervaded the court. I was all the time conscious of the negative vibes coming from my partner.
The result was I became tentative in my shot making, found it hard to concentrate and so made stupid mistakes. The snide comments, reminders of how badly we were doing and glares only served to undermine my self confidence, till I couldn’t have hit a shot properly if my life depended on it. We got beat comprehensively.
What has this to do with marriage? Stay with me and I’ll tell you. First let me illustrate the point further by telling you about the next set. My partner was encouraging and supportive. The shot making and confidence came back and I hit winners. We won that set comprehensively against very good opposition.
I also saw it with another couple. Down 4-0 the guy kept telling his partner ‘we can do this’ and they did. They came back from the brink of defeat.
In marriage as in sport, negativity can affect performance. It can sap your partner’s self confidence and make them tentative and hesitant to try new things. It can destroy their self confidence. The result is they then begin to do more things that aggregate the situation, they become careless. They can end up making your spouse resentful, or feel depressed. They could well end up turning to someone else that is more supportive.
Encouraging words have the opposite effect. They make us better than we are, because it makes us feel better about ourselves. We want to live up to the person’s opinion of us and not disappoint them.
Encouraging words inspire us and fill us with confidence to forge ahead. Those that are shown love, positive re-enforcement and encouragement are more likely to give it back.
So if you’re finding things tough in your marriage, try some positive re-enforcement of encouraging words and cut out the negativity and criticism. See if it doesn’t make for a happier home and marriage.
Related blogs
Top Tips for Communicating Effectively
Are You Eroding Your Marriage?
Would You Support Your Spouse?