How often do you find yourself saying no to your children? When they enter the teen years there comes a point in which you should reserve those no’s for the really important stuff.
Parenting is not a dictatorship. And when your children enter those teen years, you have to learn to let go of the apron strings a bit.
What I always keep in the back of my mind is that once they hit high school it is less about controlling (although, I actually don’t think that should ever be a parent’s goal) and it’s more about steering your children toward independence.
So the only way for them to learn independence is to be given more freedom, which means saying yes more often. But balancing your yes answers with your no ones can be a very fine line to walk.
What I encourage parents to do is to sit down with a pad of paper and pen. Do this when you have quiet, uninterrupted time available.
Write down some of the situations or issues that might come up in the next few years with your teen. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Piercings
Tattoos
Driving
Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Attending a concert
Going out of town with a friend
Style (clothing, hair)
Wearing makeup
Curfew
It’s important to really think about these things so that you are more prepared to deal with them. After you have written your list, make a note alongside each issue as to which would be a definite no.
Your no’s should be those things that you cannot nor will not bend on. But before you even write the no, ask yourself why. You need to have a valid reason if the issue should ever arise.
Is it because of safety concerns? Is it because of your morals or values? Is it because it’s just something you don’t personally like? Is it because you had a bad experience?
Your answer might just change your thinking. Those things you don’t personally like or your bad experiences may not necessarily be a fair way to decide things for your teen.
For some of the items your answer might be a yes with certain conditions. For instance, you might say yes to your teen dating but there may be a set age it will be allowed.
I guarantee you that if you take the time to really think through these issues, you will have a better leg to stand on when they come up. But remember; save your no’s for the most important stuff.
Related Articles:
My Best Advice: Choose Your Battles
Have You Become More Relaxed With Each Child in Parenting?
Resisting the Urge to Interfere
Making Those Tough Parenting Decisions