Yesterday, I wrote about different ways of coping with the typical anger and frustration that parenting can bring. Of course, we are not all perfect and as flawed human beings we don’t always handle things with our children as we would like to. There are those times when we have outbursts or we say things we either immediately regret, or come to regret later on. What can be done about those times when we let slip things we wish we hadn’t?
Many of us parents have the best of intentions, yet we mess up and do things we regret. It is as if even though we know better, we get caught up in the stress of the moment and just can’t stop ourselves. Or, we may be working on changing our behavior and doing a better job of managing our reactions and are just not quite to a satisfactory place yet. Does this mean we are horrible people and horrible parents? Not necessarily—but it does often mean that we need to make things better and make amends.
The first step, of course, is avoiding saying things you’ll regret in the first place. But, when you do cross that line—making apologies, saying you’re sorry, and taking responsibility for your slip-up is important. I think it is good to try to make apology without making excuses. Saying things like “I didn’t mean to say that but you just make me so angry” isn’t really an apology and it does not indicate that you are taking full responsibility for your actions. Also, if you are constantly having outbursts and then apologizing without making effort to improve, then the apologies and amends lose their power. Learning ways to cool down and avoid saying things that are hurtful or inappropriate to your child or children is part of the successful parenting process.
Also: Managing Anger Better