Warning: Rant follows.
Aaargggh!
There, I feel better now. Sort of.
What is it, you ask? Well, the short answer is…my mother. I know that’s not terribly original.
I don’t even have that much to complain about. My mother really loves my kids. And even though she sends me newspaper clippings on tragic accidents that can happen to children when their parents aren’t careful, I know (though my husband may not believe it) how many times she restrains herself.
So what happened? I was the one who started out worrying this time.
My mother is a retired teacher. She specialized in children with learning disabilities. I was talking to her about options for my daughter who has a difficult time with reading as well as math, with a primary weakness being auditory working memory.
“Well, there could be alcohol exposure that they didn’t tell the truth about,” my mom said. I’d already considered this, but I wasn’t prepared for what came next.
“She’s good with visual memory, spatial things,” my mom noticed. Very true. But the conclusion shocked me:
“She could be a hairdresser,” my mom said. “Something where she wouldn’t need the math. She could just use her hands. She’s good with her hands.”
I was too stunned to respond. Now, please don’t take this the wrong way—I admire hairdressers. Anyone who’s seen the hatchet job I’ve done on my kids’ bangs knows I respect hairdressers’ skill. And you have to respect someone who’s on his or her feet all day and whose role as pseudo-counselor is probably second only to a bartender’s.
Although I admit to a strong preference that my children experience four years of college, I have considered the possibility that they will take up different work. I am firmly convinced that our region needs more educated tradespeople as well as professionals.
But my daughter wants to be a teacher. It’s an awfully large leap to assume that someone having trouble in second grade will have to settle for a second choice.
The fact that Mom’s a specialist is probably what made this harder to hear. I can’t just dismiss her as uninformed. I know she’s seen kids who didn’t make it.
The truly weird thing is that I remember Mom coming home from her student teaching and graduate courses and sharing what she’d learned, excitedly telling us that Edison and Einstein shows signs of dyslexia and people with dyslexia were often of above average intelligence. She was into the multiple intelligences theory before it was trendy. From her I learned that a)everyone had different strengths and b) you can do anything if you work hard enough.
Still, so much has been learned even since Mom retired. We know so much more now about how to teach to different minds.
But even as educators and researchers learn more about the flexibility of the brain, society as a whole seems to have done a pendulum shift from the child-as-blank-slate theory (which definitely had its negatives, such as the ludicrous theory that autism was caused by frigid mothers) to believing it’s all in the genes.
I really don’t think I’m as anxious and upset as I probably sound. (Or I’m in denial. I’d be the last to know, wouldn’t I?) I just feel like screaming, that’s all. And in Mom’s defense, she likely hadn’t thought about it before she said it.
Mom did me a favor in pointing out that it’s a years-long struggle for a child with multiple learning issues to get an education. I shouldn’t be hoping that we can find a summer therapy program that will magically have her caught up to grade level by fall.
But I still believe, with all my heart, that my daughter can be a teacher if she wants to be.
Please see these related blogs:
Grandparent Favoritism, My Unnecessary Worry
How Much is Genes, How Much is Environment?
Does Research Validate Our Hopes?
My Take on an Age-Old Question