Sometimes, silence truly is golden. When you’re dealing with an argumentative child, many times it’s best to simply bite your tongue and not say a word. I call it “selective silence”. Sort of like, “I’m not deaf, I’m just ignoring you.”
I had to use this technique this morning with Tyler. The issue was over what snacks he wanted to take to school for snack time. First, he asked for money to buy snacks but I reminded him that he had not earned snack money vis-à-vis the tantrum thrown last night at bedtime. I gave him his snack box and told him to pick any two snacks that he wanted and reminded him that his juice box was in the freezer. He stood looking at the box and then informs me that he wanted snack money. Selective silence from me. Then he yells that he wants chocolate candy. I then informed him that he could not take candy since he had candy on Monday and his choices were contained in the snack box before him. He continued to fiddle faddle around so I gave him a choice. I told him that by the time I finished eating my apple if he had not made his selection he would not get a snack. I also told him that I would make a special trip inside and tell his teacher that he was not to have a snack (I figured he would tell her I forgot to give him one and she would buy him one from the snack room). He started whining but I remained selectively silent. I even closed by eyes to show him that I was not only not going to talk about it but I wasn’t going to look at him in case he decided he wanted to throw a tantrum.
Then I sat back, ate my apple, and waited. He politely chose his snacks and put the snack box in its proper place. When he realized that I wasn’t going to feed into his misbehavior he simply gave up. The next time your child tries to engage you in a word battle, try being selectively silent. You’ll win the battle without saying a word.
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