I feel pretty comfortable with my maternal role and would definitely say that parenthood is a huge hunk of my identity and my purpose. HOWEVER, as single parents, we get locked into our parenting role as our only role. Sometimes, it is important to get away from the role of parent and try on some other sides of our identity…
I wear my motherhood pretty obviously and with three kids and one single parent, a huge chunk of my time and life is taken up with parenting stuff. This has influenced how other people deal with me and they tend to expect me to be the “mother” when I am working or with less entangled friends. Over the years, I’ve learned that is NOT healthy for me and I’m not willing to play the responsible single mom with everyone and everything I come in contact with. We need to be able to separate ourselves from that and develop other sides of our personality, other interests, and create a more well-rounded identity if we are going to be healthy, happy people!
So, my advice to single parents is to do something for yourself, get out and participate in a class or social activity in which you are not having to be a parent too. Of course, we are always parents and available when and if our children need us—but as time passes and the kids get older, we should also be establishing ourselves in other arenas and finding ways to step away from parenting and experience life in different ways. As single parents, this can take some extra effort since we have to be “on” as a parent so much of the time. It will pay off, however, as we won’t always have to be the super involved parent and we need to have more to our lives in order to evolve as our kids do.
Also: Ongoing Lessons in Letting Go