It was the fall of my daughter’s second preschool year. We were all set. We knew what we were doing. We knew the teachers and we loved them too. Aside from some small initial anxiety, at three years old my daughter had sailed into the classroom with excitement, happy to be playing with other children and joyful to see her beloved teacher. It was all good, simply the beginning of another school year.
And yet it was not. For three months at the beginning of her second year of preschool, my daughter did not want to go. She loved her teachers, yes. She loved the other children. There was no bullying and no punishment. She just wanted to stay home with her mom.
Unfortunately, mom works. Often I work when she is in school. That is one of the reasons she goes to various forms of school. So dropping my daughter off and having her sail off happily into the classroom was the plan. Sobbing as soon as she woke up was not the plan, yet there we were.
I talked it through with her. Sometimes, I stayed in the classroom for a while, and sometimes downstairs, in the building but at her call if she needed me. Often, there were many tears and a lot of screaming. I would have sent her to her grandparents’ house instead, but there were the same tears there. There was no other option except me. It was a very hard time for both of us.
And then it ended. After Christmas break, my daughter was delighted to return to school. She went off into the classroom and made herself busy and forgot about me entirely. She was sad to leave.
Many four-year-olds seem to go through this phase. My theory is that unlike a three-year-old, four-year-olds have a heightened realization of how important you are. They start to ask questions about death, for example. They realize that you are important in a way that they didn’t before. Now they know that one day, you might not be there.
Gradually, as you return again and again, you create a new contract with your child, one that says that death exists but that you will come back to get them. And gradually, all becomes well again.
Image courtesy of Mr Goose at stock exchange.