When you enter into treatment for infertility, you have high hopes. You may expect to get pregnant within a few months of your first visit to the clinic. This is often not the case. It can take many months, or even years, to finally get pregnant. The initial high you feel can quickly fade and you may feel very low. This is why trying to conceive is often compared to a ride on a roller coaster.
The stress of infertility can make you want to give up. This is very normal. Trying to have a baby is not fun, despite what people may say. I can’t even count the number of times that someone told me, “At least you get to have fun trying!” Well, actually no, trying to get pregnant is not fun. Anyone who has been through infertility treatments would likely agree.
It took my husband and me six years of trying to conceive before we were blessed with our first baby. During those years, there were many times when I was ready to give up. I did stop treatment for about six months at one point. I just couldn’t take the roller coaster ride anymore. After the break, I felt ready to proceed with treatments.
Discuss the subject openly and honestly with your partner. Often infertility treatments are much more difficult on the woman. After all, you are the one charting your cycle, taking your temperature, doing home ovulation kits and running back and forth to the doctor. The man’s role is often less stressful and more pleasurable. He may have no idea that you are at the end of your rope.
Try to come to an agreement regarding infertility treatment. This may not always be easy. In some cases, each partner may have different expectations. Try to find some common ground. For example, if you have had enough, but he want to continue, see if you can come up with a mutually beneficial time table. Maybe set a time limit, such as six more months of trying to conceive. You could also set a number of treatments, such as three cycles of IVF or IUI.
Consult your doctor for his advice when making a decision regarding continued treatment. Ask that he not sugar coat the news, but give his honest professional opinion. In many cases, you may be ready to throw in the towel prematurely. Your doctor may feel that you will be successful with continued treatment.
See a counselor if you can’t make a decision or can’t come to an agreement with your partner. Sometimes talking to a neutral third party can help you clarify your feelings. A counselor can also be useful as a mediator if you and your partner are not on the same page. He or she may be able to help the two of you reach a compromise.
Just because you have set a limit doesn’t mean it is set in stone. You may change your mind after a break from the roller coaster of infertility. A few months off from charting your cycle and planning your intimate life may be all you need. You may find that you are ready to proceed after a break.
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The Effect of Stress on Fertility
What to Expect: Artificial Insemination
Dealing with Unexplained Infertility