As single parents, and as the head of our families, I think we have the responsibility to set the “tone” for what is expected in our families. We do have the power to set expectations for other family members and friends about how we want our families to be dealt with, addressed and how we want our children to be treated…
One of the things I will not tolerate is people sharing a “poor you” attitude with my children or myself in regard to our single parent status. I have never been on board with comments that my children have things tougher or rougher or should be pitied because their parents got divorced. I think that victim mentality is unhealthy and they are not “poor” or “victimized”–plenty of people have it much worse. I have definitely set the expectation with friends and family members that our family is normal and that my children have rather normal, typical childhoods.
We can share with other extended family members and our family friends our philosophies and ideas about how we feel about single parent families and, we can let them know what we expect from them as they interact with our children and our families. While we cannot, of course, control what other people say or do–we can set the boundaries about what we do and do not expect. For example, we can insist that people do not trash the other parent in front of our children or perpetuate stereotypes about single parent families. We can also ask people to use more positive language or not make excuses for our children because they do not have two parents living in the same home. It may seem like when it comes to family and close friends, we just have to accept them as they are, but we can set expectations around our families for how we expect people to treat us and how we expect them to talk about our situation–at least in our presence.
Also: Expectations of the Ex-Spouse as a Single Parent