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Sex-Ed vs. Abstinence… Can we have it both ways?

I spent a few minutes this morning looking through articles about teen pregnancy… news, trends, resources… and I was struck by how strong the fight still is over what programs should be taught to our youth.

On the one side we have the belief that abstinence only programs are the way to go, that we must teach our children that they have to wait, there is no other option that is sufficient to prevent pregnancy.

On the other side we have those who believe that teenagers need to be taught comprehensive sex education, the belief that knowledge is power and not only will they tend to avoid taking risks when they are fully aware of the consequences, but they will be more likely to use contraception if they are aware of what it is and where/how to obtain it.

As with any highly politicized arguments, we seem to have the extremes visibly fighting with each other. The abstinence only crowd latches onto any attempt by the sex-ed crowd to “sneak something in” to a bill or a budget, and the sex-ed crowd does the same when it comes to the abstinence only crowd’s efforts. The most recent example that I found pertained to the new health reform plan, where apparently $250 million was set aside for “abstinence only” education. The only requirement was that the program had to teach that abstinence is the only sure way to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. The sex-ed crowd is saying that teaching abstinence is “dangerous” and that this is a waste of money.

But… excuse me… isn’t abstinence actually the only sure way?? While I agree with teaching comprehensive sex education, I also have no problem with people being honest with my children, and telling them that abstinence is the only sure way is certainly honest! There is nothing wrong with that statement.

I understand the “slippery slope” concerns. I get it; we’re afraid that if we say it’s *okay* to teach that abstinence is the only sure way to prevent pregnancy and disease, then people will take that to an extreme and claim that abstinence is all we should be teaching.

Here’s what I would really like to know: Why can’t we teach both?

Why can’t we teach them comprehensive sex education, and at the same time teach them that it really is better if they wait?

I’m not going to pick a side on this one. I think they’re both right.

We all want our children to wait. We don’t want them to take that risk. But, the painful truth is, some of them will take that risk. Like with anything else, our children are all different and they will make different choices due to their own unique personalities as well as any number of influences they are exposed to. We can’t control it all, so why not arm them with ALL of the information we can so that they will be prepared to make the best possible choice for them, even if it’s not the choice we want them to make?

By all means, tell them to wait… but don’t we also want them to be prepared to protect themselves if they choose not to?

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About Ellen Cabot

Ellen is a wife and mother of three in the Tampabay area. She has been married for 15 years, and she and her husband are in the process of trying to adopt children from the foster care system. Ellen grew up believing that family is the most important thing, and that your family members are the only people who will always be there for you no matter what. Upon learning that there are children in the foster care system who never find a home simply because they are above the age of 7, she and her family decided that they wanted to provide at least one girl (maybe more!) in foster care with a warm and loving home and a family to call her own forever. Besides adoption, Ellen is passionate about (almost obsessed with) religion, and she enjoys spending time with her family, watching movies, and reading. She is excited to have the opportunity to blog about the adoption process for the community at Families.com!