Mebe (fictious name chosen by the person concerned) was seven when a family friend started paying him a lot of attention. The friend would seek Mebe out, buy him sweets, take him on outings and treated him as a prince. Because Mebe’s parents were busy with their jobs and their other children, they were grateful that Mebe had some individual attention from such a nice, responsible man. Mebe’s behaviour became worse and worse. He did graffiti on walls, other’s property and wrote rude notes at school. Mebe was in trouble at school, home and in his heart. He was trying to tell someone what was happening but he didn’t have the words to explain and nobody had the time to listen to his behaviour. Mebe’s parents moved when he was 12. This was when the abuse stopped. Mebe was 22 when he told his parents what had happened. Although shocked, they listened, believed and helped get the assistance Mebe needed. Mebe is now 27 and struggles daily with self-blame, self-hatred and depression. He is overweight and says that he cannot stop eating sweets – even though sweets were the poison that lead to the sexual abuse.
Mebe’s story is not uncommon. Boys get sexually abused too. For many boys, it is harder to talk about this stuff than it is for girls. Professional bodies have spent so much time educating about the abuse of girls, that male children often are overlooked. Mebe is adamant that he was telling and is angry that nobody bothered to listen to his behavior. He was telling in his boy way of getting into trouble all the time so that somebody would spend the time to find out what was happening. Mebe claims that he would NEVER have said the words but that if someone had been bold enough to ask him if he had been sexually abused then he would have answered honestly and gladly. How to ask the very hard and uncomfortable question, without contaminating evidence or leading the answer, will be addressed in a separate article. Watch for it because you may just need the information one day if you meet a child with behaviors similar to Mebe’s’.
Mebe’s parents sometimes attend therapy with him. They are devastated that they missed what his behavior was trying to say and they are desperate to reverse the damage done. They have agreed to talk about their experiences from a parents perspective and, like their son, they want to help educate other parents about the affects of child sexual abuse of boys.
Mebe’s situation is going to be the focus of the next few articles. It is important to remember that boys are at as much risk of sexual abuse as girls are. ALL children need protective behavior training and all children need to be listened to. Children don’t have the sophistication in language that adults do so they will often use their behavior as their form of communication.
Task for the day: LISTEN to your children’s behavior. What do their actions say to you? Look at their behavior through the eyes of a child, rather than the eyes of an adult. Put yourself in age appropriate shoes and try to remember what might have been going through your mind at a similar age.
Related articles:
Make a difference in another child’s life: Actively listen to them.
How Do I know if a Child is Being Abused?
A Glass of Water May Make the Burden of Child Sexual Assault Too Heavy.
Not All Men Sexually Abuse Children.
Final BITSS of Protective Play.
My FAVORITE child focused article of the day: Are You A Perfectionist? by Myra Turner.