As wonderful as the holiday season is it can also be a time of stress and unhappiness, especially for divorced parents who don’t have a good relationship with their ex. I have always felt very fortunate that Hailey’s dad didn’t care about Christmas as much as I did. Since the holiday is more important to me I’ve always had Hailey Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, her father would pick her up at noon. That made the rest of the day a little sad but it all balanced out. I spent the day alone but we were able to have a big Christmas breakfast and enjoy our morning together.
If her father had wanted to have Hailey in the morning we would have worked it out. It was important to me that Hailey have a good relationship with her father. Also, I knew I would miss her so I was sure he missed her and I didn’t want to hurt him.
Sadly, this is not the case in many divorces. No one gets divorced because they are still head over heels in love, there is a lot of hurt involved and unfortunately many people continue to hurt each other through their children. I know many men who are good fathers, but their ex wives are so bitter that they don’t get to see their children regularly. Can you imagine if someone kept your child away from you? I don’t ever want to know what that feels like.
The really sad this is that while we are hurting the ex we are so mad at, we are also hurting our children. Every time they don’t get to see their father, they think they’ve done something wrong. They will start to believe that Daddy doesn’t love them. Is that really how you want your children to feel? Most of the time this backfires on the custodial parent. When your children are old enough to have a relationship with their father, without you involved, they will realize that it was your fault they didn’t see their father and they will resent you.
Unless your ex husband is a danger to your children, find it in your heart to share them with him. Your kids will be happier for it and may dodge some of the trials of being from a broken family. It really is just about the kids now anyway.