With the rising infertility rates, it is likely that most pregnant women will have a friend or family member who is going through infertility. You may feel guilty, nervous or have reservations about sharing the news and causing your friend pain. Knowing all she’s been through to have a baby, you don’t want to cause her any more pain.
I’ve been on both sides of his issue, and it isn’t fun from either position. The first six years of our marriage were spent trying to have a family. Over those years, it felt like most of the people we knew were having babies. Toward the end of those six years, hearing the news was especially difficult.
Later, after we had our first and got pregnant with our second, it was my turn to share the news with a friend who had been trying to conceive. That conversation was difficult for me, well before I actually said the words. Once I started the conversation, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had built it up to be in my head.
The only thing you can do is be honest and share your news. You may choose to do it alone and in a more subdued way than the exuberant way you will tell your partner and the grandparents. A quiet conversation away from the crowd may be best for both of you.
There may be tears, from one or both of you. That’s really o.k. After all, that’s what friendship is about, sharing the good news and the difficult times of life. She may need some time to process the information before offering a heart felt congratulations. Try not to take this personally, especially if you’ve never been through infertility. She may just need some space.
Your friend may initially feel sad or left out, but that will pass. She will share in your happiness and be happy for you. Remember that it is best for her to hear the news from you, rather than a third party. In time, you will likely be congratulating her on her pregnancy.
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