Surely you have heard the old addage that if you give people (kids) enough rope, they will hang themselves with it? I think many of us parents use this advice to keep our children on a very short leash–but is the short leash really the right way to go? Could there be a happy medium between too much and too little?
There are a few things that can happen if we try to keep our kids on incredibly short leashes: they can rebel and tug against the rope, causing all sorts of power struggles and resentment; they might also give in and adjust to being on a short leash, which will make them less likely to take risks and less prepared to take care of themselves in the real world; we might also be tying them to our apron strings for much longer than they need to be there.
On the other hand, if we are too permissive and send them out into the world too soon, they could flounder and fall too. Kids do need structure and consistent parenting in order to thrive and build self-confidence. So, perhaps, instead of the tight, short leash or the long, winding trail of rope that they could wrap themselves up in–we can find a way as the parents to let out more and more of the slack until they are able to handle things on their own. This doesn’t mean that we keep them from stumbling and making mistakes, it just means that we try to keep a step ahead of them–a little letting go, a little nudging, a little negotiating so that as they get older and more responsible, we are right there with them, encouraging them to take the lead until we can let them off the leash all together!
Also: Holding Grudges or Letting Go–Teaching Our Kids About Forgiveness
On-going Lessons in Letting Go