This subject came up on the forums of single parenting, and I wanted to discuss it a little further. I think this subject depends on your child, your situation, and your opinion. I have not dated since I had my son, and don’t plan to do so at any point in the near future. I have and will continue to concentrate my efforts on raising him. If I happen across a relationship during that time, then I’ll deal with it when it happens. This is how I would handle it if I were dating.
First, I would not bring anybody to my house or to be around my son until I had been dating them for quite some time, and we decided we were ready for the relationship to move forward. The only exception to this would be if it were a family friend who was already in our lives and came to our house on a regular basis anyway. In this case, while they were at my house, they would be treated the same way they were before a relationship was started. Once we decided we wanted our relationship to move forward, and we discussed it and agreed upon it, I would introduce them to my son. This is where you have to be very careful not to just throw everyone together and try to make it a family unit. Your child/ren have, up to this point, gotten used to it just being you and them. If it’s suddenly all of you, they may have resentment. Add time together slowly, and make sure you are still spending your quality time with your child/ren. Give them time to spend with each other, get to know each other, and let them come to realize that this doesn’t mean they are losing you. I know if I were a child and my mom suddenly brought home someone and said “this is going to be your new dad,” I’d be a little more than upset.
As far as the child’s approval goes, I personally think that this is an important thing. My child is THE most important aspect of my life, so his opinion matters the most to me. If my son was not happy with someone I was dating, after I had started including them in our life, I would try to figure out why. I would talk about it with them, I would bring them to a counselor as well as ask that we all go, I would try to fix what ever it was that might be the problem. For Example, if he thought that he was losing me, I would start spending more time with him; if he thought he was “mean” I would find out why he thinks that, is there something going on I didn’t know about, or did he just not like or agree with the discipline? In the end if my son still did not agree to having the person in our life, and there was nothing that could change that after trying to work things out, the person would no longer be in our life. I would not force my child to live with someone that they could not get along with or did not like for whatever reason.
Be Sure to check out How to Make Time for Dating as a Single Parent if you are ready.