Recently, someone told me that she couldn’t understand why her in-laws were so short-tempered with her arguing offspring. While I could understand why this mom had her feelings hurt and felt as though both she and her children were being judged, I could also see the grandparents’ point of view—they wanted to enjoy their grand kids and didn’t want to have to mediate or discipline them. Just like parents, some grandparents (aunts, uncles, friends, etc.) have various expectations of children and various skill levels when it comes to keeping the peace. But, how much, really, should others have to endure or put up with when it comes to our arguing and fighting children?
I have always been one of those parents who do not WANT to have other people correcting or disciplining my kids, and I also don’t feel like the unsuspecting public should have to deal with them when they are being poopyheads, let alone feel compelled to say or do something about it.
When others say that they have never seen such ill-behaved children or that “their children didn’t behave like that”—it can hurt our feelings and we may wonder if they were even paying attention when their children were younger? But, parents of only children or other children may NOT have had kids that behaved as ours do—different children, a different time, different parenting styles—all of those realities can influence the fact that those others feel as though our kids are unique little trouble-makers.
The bottom line is that it is up to us to raise and discipline our children and while we may have increased tolerance and acceptance of what is “normal”—we also have to take into account the expectations and appropriateness of other people and other situations. Some grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. make fabulous babysitters and surrogate parents and have no problem setting boundaries and handing out the discipline—but others just don’t want or feel comfortable with the role. Listening to our children fight with each other or talk back is more than they can and should have to handle. This is where it is up to us to step in, take control, and guide our children into learning what is appropriate and what isn’t.
Also: Saying “No” and Meaning It
How Good Are You at Setting Limits?