I am definitely not an expert at parenting. I still have three children living at home with several years left, so I don’t claim to know it all. But there are some things I have learned that I believe could be a huge benefit to other parents.
Even in the advice that I pass along, it doesn’t necessarily mean I have it down pat. I might still be working on it myself, which is the case here.
If I could wrap up in one sentence what I would want to say to any parent when it comes to communication with their teens, it would be this: you have to more than tell your children you are there for them and will listen to them, you need to show it.
I am learning this from experience.
In fact, it has been frustrating for me at times as a parent because I feel like my message isn’t getting across. I sometimes can’t understand why my children don’t get it, that they really can tell me anything and that I will be their listening ear.
Although there can be several reasons our teens won’t take advantage of this, one is that our words aren’t matching up with our actions. How many times have one of my children tried to talk to me and I was “too busy”?
Or how many times have one of them tried to talk and I reacted in a negative way? Or I didn’t let them finish because I was already coming up with a solution? Or I made assumptions about the situation?
I am the one who often gets in the way of my message about being there for them.
Several months ago this really blew up in my face with my daughter. She was going through a particular situation and I was finding myself frustrated. She kept saying I wasn’t listening to her and I kept arguing back that I was.
But I really wasn’t. I wasn’t backing up my claims of being a listener with my actions.
The reality is that most times our teens don’t want us to talk when they come to us with a problem or something on their mind. They truly do want us to just listen. Unless they ask for advice, we should refrain from saying much, if anything.
In a more recent situation with my daughter I did that and I noticed the huge difference it made. It also caused her to open up more.
Don’t just tell your teen you are there for them and will listen…show it. They will be more likely to open up.
Related Articles:
Words You Should Never Say to a Teen
I’m a Good Listener But I Don’t Always Hear
Sometimes It’s Not Advice You Want But a Listening Ear
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