Bickering, fighting and blaming might be what you think of when you think of sibling interactions. If you have more than one child, chances are at least one of them has tried to blame the other for various things. For most of us, the blame seems to be forever shifting as siblings blame each other for all sorts of things both individually and in small collective groups. Is there anything a parent can do about the sibling blaming sibling situation?
For a sibling to blame another sibling, it is often a temptation too great to resist. Even if the children seem incredibly close, you might be surprised to discover how willing they are to blame the other for something. I’ve heard many stories about how a toddler finds that a brand new baby sibling is the perfect one to blame for his mishaps and misadventures. After all, the baby can’t argue back or speak up for herself! And even when she can, the blame game often continues.
I think as a parent, the first thing we can do to curb the blaming between siblings is to NOT engage in it. Refusing to “bite” or get involved in believing or disproving that someone else is to blame is one way that a child doesn’t get any reinforcement or reward for blaming behaviors. I also found that getting everyone in the same room when confronting someone about something can be a good tactic. Children are much less likely to try to blame someone if he is standing right there to defend himself.
Helping children learn the difference between tattling and blaming and providing helpful or important information can be another tactic. As children develop a sense of fairness, they can often see that it is “bad form” to try to blame one’s troubles on someone else. Reinforcement for honesty—even in the form of respect and appreciation as opposed to fostering such a fear that children are afraid to tell the truth can also help to cut down on the blaming of siblings.
Also: Coping with the Blame Game