Lately I have been thinking a lot about whether or not to wean my nursing toddler. Since the arrival of his baby brother, I find myself becoming annoyed with him when he asks to nurse. When this happens, I question his motivation – is he doing it to compete for my attention? Is he trying to control me? Does he genuinely need to nurse or is he just saying it to see what I will do? These questions and more run through my mind as I angrily tell him to just hurry up and do it, and to stop as soon as he can because it is difficult for Mama to nurse him.
The angrier and more tense I become, the more he asks to nurse and the whinier the requests are. I am beginning to suspect that my “attitude problem” regarding nursing him could be partially to blame for his often challenging behavior. As is the case whenever I am feeling at a loss for what to do, I have been reading whatever I can find regarding the topic at hand.
It turns out that some of the things that Dylan is doing are in fact indicators that he is feeling rushed during the weaning process. He has been rather clingy, and very vocal about not wanting to be separated from me for any length of time no matter who he is going to be with during my absence. For example, today I was getting ready to go to the grocery store. The store is ten minutes away. He was going to stay home with his father, whom he adores. He saw me getting ready to leave and got very upset. Other signs that he is not ready to wean include increased whininess and tantrums and increased night waking. He had been sleeping like a champ for about a month before Blake was born, now hardly a night goes by without him waking at least once, often two or three times, looking for “mim mim”. Other children who are feeling rushed during the weaning process may express their feelings in those ways or through other behaviors like biting, becoming attached to a stuffed animal or other security object, sucking their thumb, refusing to eat, or acting aloof and withdrawn.
As difficult as it is for me to nurse Dylan, it seems as though at this point his emotional need to continue nursing is genuine. It will not be easy, but I plan to do my best to put aside my feelings about it and let him nurse when he asks for it. Hopefully that will help him to get the reassurance that he needs, and possibly help him to feel and behave better throughout the day.