As parents, many of us are in touch with our emotions; we’ve developed empathy and understanding and have learned how to think more about other people and less about ourselves. This is a good thing! It means we are maturing and growing in our ability to be both a great parent and a great human being. However, when it comes to dating as a single parent, our empathy and well-developed emotional side can get in the way. We might be expecting too much, or taking things the other “dates” say or do too personally.
I think it can be tough once you have really been through a partnership from start to finish—whether it is a marriage or not, and whether it ended in separation, divorce, or death—to be able to take things lightly and NOT take on the emotional work of other relationships. Not to mention, our role as parents makes us even more in tune with other people’s emotional needs and issues. Early in the dating process, however, we need to learn how to NOT get too emotionally involved and not take things personally—it can be an impediment to our being able to make good choices regarding who is good for us.
In the early stages, when you are just getting to know someone, it is common for things to not progress. After all, you don’t know each other at all and as you do, there may very well be incompatibilities that pop up; or the person may meet someone else; or whatever—it doesn’t do you any good to take it personally and think it is all about you. It isn’t. Taking our time before we get emotionally attached and involved is a good thing and by developing good boundaries and a healthy attitude about not taking things personally in the early dating stages, we can have more fun and less stress in the process.
Also: Single and Dating…Learning to Ask Better Questions
Just Because I’m a Mother Doesn’t Mean I Want to Parent Adults Too