Single parents are not the only ones in the family affected and influenced by feelings of guilt–our children can be susceptible too. They might feel guilty and believe that they are one of the reasons for a separation or divorce, or they might feel guilty if they want to play on a sports team or need money for a school field trip. There are all sorts of reasons that children of divorced and single parent families might feel guilty and as parents, we can help them learn how to let those feelings go…
Of course, helping our children deal with guilt, means that we need to figure out how to let go and purge our own lives and selves from the guilt and the guilt trips. I do think that we need to get our “own house” in order so that we can be available and focus on what our children need too. Why might a child in a single parent family feel guilty? In the case of a death, separation or divorce, she might feel like she had more control and more of a role than she actually did; he might be in tune with the family financial situation and feel guilty if he needs new shoes or wants to do something that his friends or peers or doing; or the child might feel guilty and confused about feelings that he has about his parents–if he feels like he has to take sides or likes one house better than the other, or has other confusing personal feelings, these can create feelings of guilt too.
We need to try to let our children be children and NOT have to take on adult emotions and responsibilities. This can be tough, but as parents, we can find a way to share with them that they are not responsible for grown-up decisions and choices and that even though their lives have been affected, they are not in control nor do they need to take care of mom, dad, siblings or anyone else. When it comes to the family finances, I know this can be a rough subject too–we need our children to understand what we can and cannot afford, but we don’t want them to worry or feel guilty for asking for basic or typical needs. This can mean that the parent has to take full responsibility and NOT try to treat the child as a confident or expect the child to be mature beyond his or her years.
Also: Single Parents and Guilt–Part One
Single Parents and Guilt–Part Two