There are so many tools and tricks that a parent can use that work well and do not harm our children or our relationships with them. Unfortunately, sometimes we all get tired, haggard, or look for short-cuts in order to motivate or get our children to do what we want them to. There is a big difference between motivating and inspiring our child, and using manipulation techniques to get what we want.
Manipulation is when we try to trick, cajole, force or threaten our child into doing something. Manipulation feels yucky and it feels very different from things like reward systems, encouragement or simply setting limits and expectations. Manipulation can be passive-aggressive or can prey on the emotions and insecurities of another person. I do not believe there is any way to be manipulative with our children and have it NOT be harmful to them, to us, and to our relationships.
If you catch yourself trying to make your child feel guilty or feel sorry for you, or using language that implies that you will withhold love or kindness if your child does not respond the way you want him too—you are being manipulative. If you are trying to trick a child or exploit a circumstance for your own benefit—you are being manipulative. A very young child may not realize that he or she is being manipulated, but as your child gets older, he or she will and there will be resentment and possibly anger, not to mention rebellion that result. Additionally, a child who has been the victim of a manipulative parent often learns that manipulation is the only way that HE can get others to do the things he wants. As single parents, we can take the extra time to find reasonable and healthy ways to interact with our children instead of relying on manipulation to motivate.
See Also: Watch out for “Strings Attached”
Do Not Let Yourself Get Sucked In