Yesterday, we talked about unconventional methods of serving the sisters in our Relief Society. Today, I would like to focus in on a group very close to my heart – sisters who have recently had a baby. Often, we bring these sisters dinners in their first week or two home and that tends to be it. Yet many women today struggle with the baby blues, and some of those are actually fighting postpartum depression – and even their visiting teachers may not realize it.
In my last ward, I visit taught the same set of sisters for the entire three years I was there. When I was first called in April, my companion had just had a baby in October, the sister I taught had one in December, and I had one in January. Only after visiting teaching this sweet sister for well over a year did I learn that she had fought with postpartum depression all the while. I felt somewhat frustrated with myself, because we had been seeing her almost every month and not picked up on it. Furthermore, I have plenty of experience with postpartum, so I feel I should have been more sensitive. That said, even her best friend at the time didn’t learn until well after, so apparently this sister was good at hiding it. At the same time, I’ve really struggled with postpartum through three of my last four births, and until last week, I didn’t show any signs to my visiting teacher.
Why don’t sisters who are feeling the blues or depression call the people they know they can rely on? Part of it is shame, I think. When I am feeling low, it is tough to make the call because I feel frustrated with myself. After all, I have a solid testimony of the gospel; I should be joyous all the time. Part of it is lack of inertia. On the worst of days, when I don’t want to do anything but stay in bed, I really don’t want to do anything. I hunker down, pull the blanket over my head, and do just enough to feed my kids. Those are the days the TV is on from morning to night (another thing to make me feel guilty). I just don’t feel like I have the energy to pick up the phone.
So how can you tell if the sister you visit teach has the blues or postpartum? The truth is, unless she confides in you, you can’t. What I’ve tried to do, instead, is be more proactive. I don’t know if the sister I am serving is struggling or not, but I do know that having someone call me helps me get moving. So, I call sisters a few weeks afterwards, and then try to keep in touch with them for the first few months. (I don’t call in that week immediately following because I know they are trying to get things all sorted out.) Back when I had a kitchen, I also tried to bring dinner over when the baby was six to eight weeks old. Usually at that time, the new mom is still frazzled and could really use the dinner. I also let them know that I am there to talk and try to be a good listener.
I cannot emphasize the impact of a phone call to a struggling mom. Sometimes in the first month or two, she gets so caught up in adjusting (or readjusting) to a baby in the house that she loses contact with the outside world. Talking to another adult can make a big difference.
Related Articles:
Postpartum Depression and Temple Worship
Postpartum Depression & Social Services