We received a notice in the mail inviting us to attend an end-of-the-year awards ceremony at my eldest daughter’s high school. Despite what you might think, she was NOT happy about it. In fact, it stressed her out. The letter didn’t tell us what the award was for (I don’t understand the anxiety-producing thought process behind that one) and it was nerve-racking for her not knowing what to prepare for. This, of course, is in the midst of her trying to wrap up all the other loose ends for graduation. I was ready and willing to go, but she was very ambivalent. In the end, we both went…and didn’t really go at all.
My daughter is really not motivated by such things—awards, recognition, etc. I know that it may seem like everybody wants that, but not everyone does. Not to mention that she has become very passionate about combating classism, racism, and other social injustices. A typical young adult, she has also become very keen on identifying hypocrisy. Needless to say, a special ceremony for those individuals chosen by the administration to be special fit right into her definition of all of those things she is currently against. As she explained: “This just isn’t me.”
Still, she wanted to be polite. We went, we sat at the back of the room and we made it through about 10 minutes before she declared it was time to leave. She just didn’t feel like it was who she was or a have a good feeling about the proceedings. This is not to say that it wasn’t exactly perfect for many of the other kids there—but for her, it didn’t fit and I felt like my job as the mom was to support her in being who she is. We snuck out the back door and went for ice cream instead.
I couldn’t be more proud of all three of my kids—and it is not because of any grades, awards, ribbons or anything they have accomplished. My proudest moments come at times like the one I’ve written about—when I see how deep their core values are and I see that they are developing into authentic, connected, thoughtful and independent people—I cannot help but be awed and amazed. I love that my daughter is motivated by her own personal drive and not by anything external and that she tells me she wants to build a life of balance and love. Who can argue with that?
Also: Trusting and Allowing Them to Make Their Own Decisions
Nurturing Temperamental Traits–Distractibility
Extreme Parenting–How Far will You Go?