In Part One of this blog, I talked about sleep issues in adopted children. This blog will focus on the ways parents try to manage sleep issues, and why some of these approaches may be either more or less appropriate for an adopted child.
First of all, keep expectations realistic. It takes time to adjust to new schedules and new time zones. If you are a new parent, read up on how much babies typically sleep. There is a lot of variation, and many books consider a five-hour sleep stretch to be “sleeping through the night” for a young infant.
Try to learn what the child’s previous routine was and keep as many things the same as possible. Was the child in a quiet environment or a busy one? Alone or with others? On a mat, in a caregiver’s bed, in a crib, in a rocking cradle? Did he or she take an evening snack or a bottle before bed? Did a bath signal bedtime or wake-up time?
Most importantly, remember that the first precept of adoptive parenting is to have the child learn to trust that you will meet his needs. This usually demands responsiveness. The “cry it out” approaches, or even the milder “sleep training” ones where the caregiver appears to offer verbal reassurance at progressively longer intervals, are usually not appropriate for the adopted child. He or she needs to know that his needs for security and comfort will be met as well as his or her need for food. (Children from an institution or a neglectful situation may be insecure about food as well.)
Most sleep training approaches say they are not for newborns. One method says babies should be fed as much as they want at night until they are at least ten pounds. Another method says it is for babies over four months. Adopted babies often go through separation anxiety relative not to age but to the time of their adoption. For example, most babies begin separation anxiety at about eight months of age. An adopted baby may begin experiencing it eight months after she is placed with her new parents. I am not an expert, but personally I would not try any sleep training method until a child had been with me for eight months or so and had passed through the extreme separation anxiety stage.
Your best defense is to gradually adjust the bedtime to reflect the new time zone, keep routines consistent, go to the child for support whenever he calls you. One daughter slept near us because we found that if she cried out and we patted her back immediately, she didn’t become fully aroused. If she didn’t receive that comfort, she became agitated, screamed inconsolably, and it was much harder to settle her down again. Other children may be light sleepers and actually may make noises without being awake, and it is being picked up by the parent that actually wakes them up. You will gradually learn what is right for your baby. (You will. Trust me. It takes time to learn this stuff about each child, even for parents who bear their children.)
You do not, however, have to get up and play with your child whenever she wants. I walked my daughter around in her carrier with the lights dim, and did not play with her. She had comfort—reassuring, but boring, comfort.
Other things you can try after a time are: pat your child’s back but don’t pick him up (obviously be sure he isn’t wet or hot or cold), or try substituting a bottle of water for a nighttime feeding if a child is physically ready to give those up. This worked with my birth son. If I went in at 1 am he’d want to nurse, but when we went my husband in with a bottle of water he dropped that awakening within four nights. (He was seven months old.) He still woke up at 3 am to be nursed, but a five-hour stretch is better than a three-hour one.
Mostly, during the first six months home your job is to convince your child that his physical and emotional needs will be met. This is why sometimes adoption physicians recommend that non-essential procedures and therapies be delayed so that uncomfortable treatments don’t interfere with the child’s learning to associate his parents with comfort.
Do arrange for some support for yourselves during this time. If there is a significant time zone change, have someone else arise early with your older children while you are on the baby’s time schedule. Perhaps an older child in the neighborhood can play with the baby while you take an afternoon nap.
Good luck—and Good Night.
Please see these related blogs:
Book Review of Mealtime and Sleep Solutions
Ease Your Child’s Transition: Learn Cultural Child Care Practices