A sense of dread pounded in my chest as I rubbed my eyes and searched for the blurry green lit numbers on the alarm clock. It was nearly six in the morning. I realized my son had not woken up and part of me panicked. For the past four months he has gone from waking up 4 times per night to one; could this be the first time he slept all the way through, or was there something wrong? Just then I heard a little grunt and a sigh over the monitor. I breathed a sigh of relief and slumped back into the pillow. My son finally slept through the night. I couldn’t believe it.
As fast as the weeks seem to go by when you are raising an infant, one thing seems to drag on: sleepless nights. Before long, I had adjusted to constant bedtime interruptions. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. He was hungry, he had escaped from his swaddle, he had gas, or he had a diaper blowout. When he didn’t wake up, my full breasts were the culprit. I would have to get up and spend 15 minutes pumping just so I could fall back asleep. And then there are all those times when you are woken up and you don’t even know why. Did the baby squeak? Was it a dream? Was there a loud noise outside? (Don’t even get me started on the time our empty water jugs bounced down the driveway at 3am during a period of strong winds!) These are just of a few of the reasons I’m still yawning all day, despite the fact my son is sleeping through the night.
I’ve decided that peaceful, uninterrupted sleep is for children and people who don’t have children. There will always be reasons for me to lie awake at night. If I’m not worried about SIDS, it will be a cold or flu. If it’s not the flu, it’ll be the fact he’s still out with the car. If it’s not the car, it’ll be because he’s away at college and I miss him. Ironically, as much as I valued my sleep before becoming a parent, I wouldn’t trade in my life for anything, not even a full night’s rest every night.