Earlier today, I wrote an introduction to the concerns and realities of evolving social drama as it can affect our children. This is such a huge topic, I thought it made sense to break it up into a few parts—starting with how we can help our children maintain perspective and become “bolstered” for dealing with the realities of adolescent social drama.
I think we can remind ourselves that there are many important life lessons that can be learned through all the social drama of childhood and adolescence. It does not have to be “all bad” or “all good.” I do think there are things we parents can do to help our children learn how to keep things in perspective and keep an eye on the bigger picture.
Share with your children your own experiences growing up and let them see (and understand) how you have made great friends throughout your entire life; how some of the people who were good friends in childhood or the teen years have remained, but many have not. We can use our own social history to have empathy and share some of our important life lessons with our children. The more we are able to empathize, the more they will know they can come to us and that they are not isolated and alone.
Also, I think it helps to encourage kids to make friends in different areas of their lives—through church, extra-curricular activities, school, neighborhood, family, etc. By having diversity, if things get too crazy with one peer group, the child can find respite in another. This also helps a child to become well-rounded and more socially confident, as he or she realizes that the world is so much bigger than a small, pressurized clique.
Finally, give your child diversity in terms of age in his or her life—having older mentors and safe friends, as well as connections with uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins, etc. can help to add another layer of perspective and understanding when it comes to social issues. I know that my own children have cousins who are close to their age and when they get together for holidays and such, they chat nonstop comparing how things are at different schools, talk about their friends, and gathering all sorts of understanding and experience from one another. Hearing stories from aunts, uncles, older family friends and grandparents can help bolster a child with life perspective as well.
Also: Social Drama, Part One