So much has been said and written about author Rahna Reiko Rizzuto’s decision to give up primary physical custody of her kids, so she could move to Japan to pursue her career—–most of it is far from flattering.
Actually, most of it is scathing.
In her book, “Hiroshima in the Morning,” Rizzuto explains why she “didn’t want to be a mother” anymore and what precipitated her decision to leave her husband and two young kids, so she could interview atomic bomb survivors in Japan. According to Rizzuto, she left her family for four months in order to complete research for her book. While she was gone her marriage, which was already on shaky ground, crumbled and she and her husband decided to divorce. However, in a move she thought was in the best interest of her children, she didn’t engage in a custody war with her ex; rather, Rizzuto decided to allow her kids to remain with their dad and she moved down the block from them so she could be “a very involved, noncustodial mother.”
Cue the rage from society.
After going public with her decision, Rizzuto says people were brutal in their criticism of her. Most were outraged that Rizzuto would “abandon” her children. The award-winning author also reveals that she was called names and threatened by people who considered her “evil,” “worse than Hitler,” “trailer trash and a perfect liberal.”
I caught Rizzuto when she made an appearance on ABC’s “The View” a couple of weeks ago. While there “View” co-host Joy Behar pointed out that if Rizutto were man, she would not be the center of controversy.
Some would call that an aha! moment; I consider it a DUH! moment.
Rizutto says that while she was in Japan working instead of at home taking care of her kids, people called her husband “a saint” for raising the children and holding down the fort. However, she continues, if the tables were turned and she had stayed behind, people would have asked her how her husband was doing and expressed excitement about his pursuit to advance his career.
Well, of course they would. Why is that a surprise?
For centuries women have played the role of caretaker for their children, spouses, and aging parents. It’s not at all unusual for a mom’s needs to go unnoticed and unfulfilled until everyone else’s are satisfied. It doesn’t take a genius to see that moms are often exhausted and overwhelmed with the demands that are placed on them, while very little is expected of fathers.
I’m not saying that this is right. I am merely saying it’s fact. Should it change? Absolutely. Will it? That remains to be seen.
In the meantime, I think Rizzuto should tone down her shock in regards to the backlash she’s received from critics. I’m not sure what response she was thinking her book was going to elicit. It’s going to take more than a single tome to change the way society views the roles of mothers and fathers.