As single parents, many of us worry that the life events we have been through may having a lasting negative effect on our children. In fact, I think this can be a fairly common worry for ANY parents, not just single ones. Not every hardship or struggle is necessarily a bad thing, however, and some events may have lasting effect—but a positive lasting effect on our children and ourselves.
Think back over your own life—surely it has not been all fun and games and while you may have some very positive feelings about some of the joyous events, you likely feel some gratitude and positive feelings over some of the hard times and challenging events too. Our characters and resiliency is built up by some of those tough events. The lasting effect is overwhelmingly positive, even if the event itself was rather uncomfortable or painful.
For our children, even if they have been through a separation or divorce, or had to move, or experienced the death of a parent, this does not have to be a lasting negative or gloomy event. How we cope and the love and support we give our children in helping them to cope can flip a hard situation into one that has a long-term positive influence. It could help our children develop strength, compassion, or realize how loved and cherished they are. It can be tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel when we are in the midst of a significant life-altering event and it can be especially hard to know how it will influence our children in the long run, but it could have a very positive long-term effect. We might all look back 10 or 20 years from now and have appreciation for what happens because it steers us all into new life directions. We just have to make sure that we are there to help our child sort through everything and make the most of it over time.