As parents, it seems to be in our nature to want to do something tangible to help our children. The tougher the time they are having, the more we may want to jump in and save the day or at least ease some of their discomfort. It can be incredibly frustrating to stand by and not do anything at all. I find, however, that there is generally always something we can do—even if the best we can do is offer empathy, understanding and encouragement…
It may feel like you are doing very little but there are times (increasingly more as our children get older) when we really cannot step in and do things for them—they have to do it on their own. We can, however, offer words of encouragement and support. Letting your child know that you believe in him, or that you have been in her shoes a time or two are two ways that you can encourage without interference.
Recently, one of my daughters needed to take placement tests for college. After doing nothing but testing for the past couple months, I could tell it was definitely the last thing she wanted to do. She managed to get the tests scheduled, but then when the day came she was sick. She went all the way down to the college testing center only to need to reschedule. Finally, a week later, she took the tests—crabby, wishing that she had tested better; she sent me an e-mail letting me know that she was done but feeling discouraged. While I couldn’t take the tests for her, and she is definitely moving into a realm where I need to be more hands off than hands on, what she needed to hear from me was encouragement. She needed to hear me tell her to hang in there, and that this is just one of those steps many people go through: “It isn’t so much about how you score,” I explained to her, “as the fact that you take the tests—that way they know which classes you are ready for and where you need a little more help.”
Stepping out on their own is hard, trying new things can be scary and overwhelming—but we just can’t do it for them. We can be the loudest cheerleaders in the cheering section, however!
Also: Support and Encouragement for Taking Chances