As you may imagine, with teenagers in the house, there is often a fair amount of “negotiation” around things. It becomes less about setting down firm rules and expecting obedience and more about finding a happy medium between authority and free reign. I think that is why it can be so shocking (and powerful) when I say “no” and mean it—no amount of negotiation is likely to change my mind.
Recently, my son wanted to get a particular game for his Play Station and while I tend to be rather lenient about such things now that my kids are older, I said “no.” He was surprised and we had a bit of a conversation around it. He was convinced that I was being unfair and going off of “here say” because I have not actually played the game in question. I admitted that I had only read about it, done a bit of maternal research and that I didn’t want it in my house. I also had to admit that I cannot control everything he does when he is with his friends or at his dad’s house and I am not so innocent as to expect that I can control what a sixteen-year-old does all the time.
So, he’s not happy about it, but since I pull out the “no” card rarely, I find that my kids actually have some appreciation for it. I am not someone who generally makes hard and fast rules or decisions without a fair amount of consideration so while they may wish for a different answer and, of course, every child wants what he wants—sometimes, the answer is still just “no” and I can only hope they will respect that I do take a stand when I need to and remember that while they may be on the road to becoming increasingly independent, I’m still in charge of my house and still the responsible adult.
Also: Talk Softly…and They Might Listen
Do We Always Have to Give an Explanation?