As parents, do we always have to jump, respond and react to things our children say and do? The answer, of course, is No…I am not advocating ignoring our kids or looking the other way when they do something dangerous or unhealthy. In fact, I have often written about how important it is for us to stay involved and give our kids the attention and guidance they need. But, there are those times when our NOT reacting or taking action has a stronger influence than if we jump right in…
I know it seems counter to so much that we have heard about being the attentive and involved parent, and many of us have witnessed those parents who ignore their kids until the kids make quite a ruckus just to get a little notice. But, consider those times when your child might be creating a scene just because he or she is bored, or to be manipulative. Sometimes our kids are struggling with something challenging and try to get us to step in and “rescue” them so they don’t have to keep working at it. By NOT stepping in and taking action, we are allowing them to develop the character and capabilities themselves. Just as by not getting involved in sibling squabbling or those acting out behaviors our kids might do just to stir things up or combat their own boredom–we allow them to learn how to self-soothe and solve their own problems. Meanwhile, we teach them they we are not always at their beck and call or an adult who will get sucked into their little dramas.
Ask yourself–are you stepping in out of habit? Are you rescuing or feeding your own ego by reacting or acting in response to your child’s behaviors? There may very likely be those times when you can walk away or refuse to act, and it will actually be the best parental reaction you can offer.
Also: Do We Really Have to Comment?
Sometimes Guidance Must be Subtle
The Role of Adaptation in Parenting