I can be the queen of over-work and over-focus. I have not always been this way, but over the years I have risen to the challenges of single parenthood and become a hard worker, a serious organizer, and an annoying planner. Even so, I am also learning as I slip into my fifth decade that sometimes the best things happen when I am not even paying attention—or when I ease up and stop working quite so hard.
Many of us wrestle with the difference between being in control and being controlling. I know firsthand that a typical reaction to the challenges of single parenthood is to try to get as many things under control as possible. I know I am not alone when I confess to a tendency to have lists for everything! When in doubt, I make a list; consult my calendar and figure out the tasks I need to tick off in order to get to where I think I ought to go. Even with all of this organization (or in spite of it)—good things happen when I am not looking. In fact, some of the best things happen when I am not paying attention, or have eased up on the list-making and hard work.
It is reassuring to me to be reminded by this sweet little surprise in life. Organization is a good thing, and I know that I probably could not feel as comfortable or as solid about my role as a single parent if it wasn’t for the organizational skills I have learned—but I also know that there are so many things out of my control and that it is those surprises that can be the finest rewards. The trick, I think, is to therefore create some balance between hard work and organization and allowing for the unexpected to find its way into one’s life. Even the most regimented single parent among us can benefit from staying open to life’s surprises.
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