Okay, maybe I am exaggerating just a little bit. I don’t really know if the facial I had was the world’s worst facial because it is the only one I’ve ever had.
I was in Las Vegas a few years ago, around the time of my birthday (March 21st if anyone wants to start shopping). My friend bought me a spa package — massage, facial, and a full body exfoliating scrub. The massage? Pretty good. The scrub? Totally awesome. The facial? Emotionally scarring. I should have known I was headed for disaster when I got to the changing room to find that the robes are one size fits all… and not the size I am. Apparently “all” is a stick-thin supermodel. I had to keep the lapels of the robe in a death grip to prevent indecent exposure in the middle of the spa.
In brief, a facial involves cleaning, exfoliation, and extraction. The first two were really kind of nice. Light massage, a warm mist on my face, very relaxing.
Then the esthetician started jabbing at my forehead. I think she was using her fingernails, or possibly a small, sharp stick. I made some pain noises, hoping she would ease up. Instead, she told me “Oh, it doesn’t hurt.” Uh… It’s my face and it does hurt.
Once the jabbing was over, it was back to the nice soothing mist and massage. Then she put some sort of liquid or lotion on my face that really burned.
- Facial Lady: How does that feel?
- Me: It feels like it’s burning.
- Facial Lady: It’ll stop. (A minute later.) How does it feel now?
- Me: It still feels like it’s burning!
At that point, she decided maybe she should wipe off whatever she had put on and draped my face in a warm towel. The burning eventually stopped, but by that time I was really agitated. So what did she follow up the burning with? More jabbing, this time on my nose and chin. This time, I was sure she was using a stick to torture me. I complained more about my discomfort, only to be answered with “It’s good for your skin.”
Maybe… but as far as relaxing, rejuvenating experiences go, this was definitely not. After that experience, I don’t think I ever want to have a facial again. I’ll keep my blackheads and other imperfections where they are, thank you very much.