Kids have always had their own “lingo” for as long as I can remember. Whether they say, “cool”, “awesome”, or “sweet”, kids have always wanted to use certain words with their friends to show their independence from their parents and their own uniqueness. I used to be a substitute teacher and always found it funny whenever I would use words that the kids were using like “awesome”, or “radical”, the kids would smile and think it was “cool” that their teacher was using their language.
There is another language that kids understand very well, that parents would do well to understand and start using. It’s called your child’s “love language.” In my previous article I mentioned Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. Dr. Chapman also wrote another book about kids entitled, The Five Love Languages of Children. Kids receive and express their love in ways that are unique to them – ways that may be different than their parents. As parents it is up to us to learn how to communicate in our child’s primary love language in order that they might feel that are unconditionally loved and accepted by us.
During my days as a social worker I had many opportunities to talk with people of a different culture and language. English was not their primary language. In fact, in many cases English was not spoken at all. In those instances I needed a translator to communicate my thoughts, ideas, and feelings. In some languages and cultures there is not an equal word or idea that can be translated. So the best that can be done is to find a close alternative word or idea. Have you ever felt that way about talking with your kids? Maybe you’re wondering whether or not you even share the same language.
When was the last time you took the time to study what other kids your child’s age are in to? I’m talking about what music, movies, books and websites are popular with kids. You may not like what you see and hear, but you need to find out what your kid’s world is like. You need to spend time with your child and find out what they like to do with their time. Talk with them about what concerns you may have about what they are exposed to, and the choices they have to make. Let them know about potential consequences for their actions and inactions.
The bottom line is that if you have laid the groundwork as a parent to have open communication, and have made the effort to learn your child’s primary love language, you will be able to talk about the really big stuff when it comes along. Spend time talking about the smaller concerns of their lives, and they will want to talk to you when it really matters.
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