Acceptance often begins to appear very subtly. One might start having more good parts of the day than bad parts, and then one might even have a good day or two each week. When acceptance of the situation begins to take shape; forgiveness begins to be a possibility. New dreams and hopes start to infuse the thought process, and soon the fog of depression lifts almost completely. Emotional ties with the ex are slowly released, and reruns of past hurts play much less frequently in our minds.
During this stage, children may begin to regain some self confidence, begin to forgive, and attempt to deal with their relationships in more healthy ways again. The divorce and its effects will not always be on the forefront of the children’s minds, and they will begin to live normally again.
This grief process is different for each person and as noted in a previous post the stages do not happen sequentially, nor does one stage begin when the other ends. They happen together in a messy fashion. The process can take up to two years or longer, and it is really important not to jump to the acceptance stage too quickly. With a divorce there is so much to grieve-broken dreams and promises, future plans and hopes. Don’t try to rush through the recovery process. Healing comes from acknowledging and properly dealing with our emotions and the new reality of our lives.
Divorce and the loss of a loved one can completely uproot our lives, cause us to loose our family homes, jobs, relationships with members of our ex’s family, force us to seek another place of worship, and completely brutalize our sense of worth. Working through the pain with the help of God, friends and professionals can help us to become more independent, compassionate, able to persevere, loving, creative, and stronger than we ever imagined. Life will be different than before, but it can be good again.