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Starting Over 101

It is common knowledge that many of us single parents have been or are in the midst of starting over. But, what does that actually mean? Just because we know that what used to be is no more and that we need to build a new life, does not necessarily mean that we know what to do. Here are a few tips for getting down to the basics of starting over…

1. Let Go…you cannot start a new life or even move in a new direction until you let go of the old. This means any clinging, clutching, or resistance that is keeping you stuck in the past. When you are in the midst of feeling stuck or feeling like you cannot move on, it is usually because you have not actually given yourself permission to let go. It can feel impossible and overwhelming, and much easier to talk about it than to actually do it—BUT, it really is just a matter of giving yourself permission to let go and move on.

2. Tolerate some ambiguity…There is going to be an unclear period of transition—after you have let go of the old life and before the “new” starts to occur. This can be a time when people get impatient and frustrated and make some poor mistakes out of desperation. If you can trust that new things are coming into your life and that you need to create space for them by clearing out the old, you will be better able to tolerate the period of in-between that comes with starting over.

3. Take care of yourself…Through it all, pay attention to your own needs and do the things that you know are right and good for yourself. There is a reason that people who have gone through a divorce, death or separation often get healthier—if you take care of yourself, eat good food, go for walks, and get plenty of rest, you will be better able to cope with what comes.

4. Get structure into your life…I am not talking about filling your days with so many things and activities that you don’t have time to think about what you are going through—that can really be a way of avoiding the process. I am really talking about focusing in and providing daily structure—get up, make breakfast, go to work (or look for work or go to class), run errands, etc. Make sure that you create time to spend with your child, your friends, and anyone who helps you to feel good. Having a schedule for the day keeps you from feeling like you are floundering and it keeps us from spending time feeling sorry for ourselves. Volunteer work and spending time with others is a great way to start to feel better and move forward.

Also: Ten Signs that Your Spouse May be Cheating

Revisions and Do-overs