Let’s say that you have done a bunch of family problem-solving around a troublesome issue, have made some decisions and started on “the plan” as a solution. But, it doesn’t work! Behaviors continue, or situations in the family change and things get worse. What is a parent or family to do? Start over…
As most of you parents have already learned…sometimes the best laid plans just don’t work. I know that we are supposed to remain firm and consistent, but I can think of dozens of times when we’ve been through family meetings and problem-solving sessions, only to agree upon a solution that fails miserably. I’m of the opinion that sometimes it is much better to cut your losses and go back to square one, than to keep a “solution” in place that is completely ineffective.
There is no shame in admitting failure and moving on. In reality, what works with one child may not work with another—whether it is within your own family, or when you have borrowed an idea from another family that seems perfect, and then turns out to NOT work within your own family. It’s okay. I’m giving you permission to let those things go and scratch the plan in order to make room for a new, more workable plan. So, if the charts don’t work, chores aren’t getting done, the schedules have changed, etc. it might be necessary to start over and come up with a new way of coping and handling things within the family unit. Sometimes, kids and families outgrow things (star and sticker charts for the 13-year-old probably will NOT work) and other times, temperament and personality or logistics rule and plans are too complicated or incompatible to work.
If the problem has not been solved, it may be necessary to go back and start over.
See Also: An Alternative to Time Out
Are You Punishing Yourself Along With Your Kids?
Do You Kids Actually KNOW What is Expected?