We have now adopted five maternal brothers out of our state’s foster system. We started the process when we took the first child in February, 2003. We were finally free of all responsibilities to the state when the fifth child was adopted in January, 2006.
Frequently, the people working for the state were a hindrance to the process. I can give several examples.
By May, 2003, we had the first four boys, one of whom was a newborn, in our home. In a short period of time, they had moved from an abusive home, to a shelter, to a foster home, to our home. They were all in bad shape.
On our second day with all of them, two were having a series of fights involving a lot of biting and screaming. We could only hold two at a time and frequently that was not enough attention to pass around.
A state employee called and said that we were seriously out of compliance with their regulations. Steps would be taken against us very soon unless we immediately took the oldest child to a dentist for a regular checkup. I told her that we had received him the day before and asked if she could hear the screaming. She once again read her script to me. It had not been a good time to call.
Every six months, a meeting was held at the state offices to determine the action to take in the future with a child. We had to be prepared to answer questions with documentation at the state’s office. We never had more than a one week notice and the meetings could not be rescheduled. My wife had to take care of all of the children while I was gone.
The problem, other than the sheer futility of dealing with the state employees, was that they had the power to cancel our rights to adopt the children. We were constantly on “pins and needles” trying to keep everything in order and to comply with frequently changing requirements.
A therapist that we work with to help us raise our children has confirmed that every family caring for foster children is kept in this state of uncertainty. All of us would prefer that they leave us alone, as much as possible, and let us concentrate on the problems of the children.
Recently, our pediatrician asked us to get a hearing test for our youngest child. My dear wife was reminding me of the appointment, but all I heard was that a “hearing” was scheduled. That sense of dread came over me, and then I realized, the state is now off our back!
To be fair, I must admit that a number of employees of the state were very helpful and did their jobs well. Unfortunately, they were in the minority.
Related Blog:
Attitudes Regarding State Adoptions: Part 2